top secret obama priority list

Now that Barack Obama has had a full 48 hours in office as the ruler of the free world, I'm sure he is on track to solve all of the world's problems. What are his priorities though? Luckily for my readers, an official memo was leaked directly from the Oval Office to the offices of the moneygardener. This top secret memo basically outlines what problems President Obama has solved and will solve in the months to come. To be safe, you may want to clear your Internet cache after reading this. If you are reading this at the airport you may want to install your 3M Privacy Filter now. Without further adieu here are the contents of the leaked memo.

TOP SECRET OBAMA WHITE HOUSE PRIORITY 'TO DO' LIST

• Will figure out how they get the soft flowing Caramilk into the Caramilk bar
• Make 'Joe The Plumber's' house worth more in 2009 than it was worth in 2008
• Implement universal health care without raising taxes
• Help Oprah Winfrey lose some weight, and keep it off
• Pay China back big time
• Tell Global Warming to 'Cool It!'
• Find Osama Bin Laden, Jimmy Hoffa, and Real Killer of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman
• Award Stanley Cup to Toronto Maple Leafs already
• Fix long standing feuds between Israelis & Palestinians, Red Sox & Yankees Fans, and Seacrest & Brangelina
• End High Gasoline Prices (completed)
• Ensure General Electric maintains their dividend
• Upgrade Costco Membership to 'Executive' (completed)
• Make Really F#cking Cold Weather a thing of the past
• Conquer World Poverty, Cure AIDS, & make Heineken and Stella Artois more affordable in countries bordering the U.S. on the North.

This would make for a solid first term and might just guarantee 4 more years.

don't believe the hype

In the midst of ongoing election campaigns in both the U.S. and Canada, I can't help but notice a few aspects of pre-election posturing that seem to be sprouting up all over the place. I don't intend to get political on the moneygardener, however this is more of a general commentary on politician's attempts to gain approval of the masses, which I feel is an insult on the intelligence of many. Here are some of the points which I feel are laughable and just plain untrue that are brought up incessantly by those running on both sides of the border...

1. High oil prices (aside from taxes) are the fault of government.
2. Weak economies are the fault of government.
3. Shareholders are pure evil and should be placed next to Satan himself on the totem pole. Likewise corporations are sinister and offer no purpose to better the country.

These points seem to be accepted as fact by most contenders in electoral circles, while I would argue that all three are false in most cases. I can't help but think that many of these politicians do not actually believe these points to be true, but just espouse them in a feeble attempt to gain votes from naive people who do believe them to be true.

Yes, the economy is the number one issue now that I've been laid off and gasoline is so expensive, let's go out there and fix it!